I believe in God

It's been burned into my mind, just a few words that Jesus said. Love the Lord with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.

My great aunt taught me those words 25 years ago. I didn't understand why she did that. I didn't even understand what those words really meant for a long time. But I have never forgotten them. Just as I have never forgotten 1 Corinthians 13, which my eighth grade teacher at Concordia Lutheran School forced me to memorize.

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels but have not love, I am a resounding gong.

I wish I could say I took those verses to heart when I learned them. But my life has gone more like a song Steven Curtis Chapman wrote.

I got myself a T-shirt that says what I believe. I got letters on a bracelet to serve as my ID. I got a necklace and a key chain and almost everything a good Christian needs. I got the little bible magnets on my refrigerator door and a welcome mat to bless you before you walk across my floor. I got a Jesus bumper sticker and the outline of a fish stuck on my car. And even though this stuff is all well and good, I can not help but ask myself, what about the change; what about the difference; what about the grace; what about forgiveness. What about a life worth showing that I am undergoing the change?

Growing up I went to Redeemer Lutheran Church every Sunday, and for a year, I went to Concordia, which being a parochial school meant that I also learned more of the ins and outs of God. None of it was my choice: Teachers making me memorize bible chapters, let alone verses, and Lutheran pastors putting me to sleep on uncushioned wooden pews. I was there because of Dad. My mom was a Catholic. She had stopped going to church. But for a couple of summers, she saw to it to have a Baptist minister saw to it to stop by the house to give me, my brother and sister a ride to his church. I didn't think I could say no to that nice man. So I went.

I don't remember what caused me to stop going to church. Maybe it was freedom. I believed in God. I believed in Christ. That's what's important, right? I think I was 21, just after I had stopped drinking myself into oblivion every night and after I started searching for my higher power, who I called God. But I had stopped going to church. Then I stopped hard.
People who go to church are hypocrites, I told myself.
They are stuffy and snobby and full of themselves, I said.
They can't even agree on what the Bible says.
The Catholics make you feel guilty. The Baptists make you fell guilty. The Lutherans don't know how to sing.
God didn't say I have to be active in "church."
I can have a relationship with him and NOT go to church.
I don't need to read the bible -- AGAIN.
The bible doesn't make sense any way. It contradicts itself.
Surely, Jesus isn't the ONLY way. Look at Ghandi.
Down I went.
The church was gone. No one cared. Those hypocrites: They call themselves Christians?

Well, I am here to tell you, good Christians don't go to church; they LIVE it. Remember the old nursery school lesson: Here's the building and here's the steeple; Open the doors, and see the church. Notice how the people are entwined. If you separate them, what do you have? I found out the easy way, or should I say the hard way, that while these are open hands always reaching out, they also can be empty hands - the hands of a man who said he believed but was always too selfish and too busy with himself to share the love of God.

I found out that -- without the church -- I was -- quite literally -- lost. I began exploring alternative religions. I was given a copy of the Book of Mormon, I bought a copy of the Koran, I invited the Jehovah's Witnesses into my home. I even bought one of those books from the HAAR-EE Krishna's at LAX. I looked up what the Buddhists and Hindus believed. And I read the bible. None of it made sense. God, where are you, I called. I know you are out there.

I really believed that. One beautiful afternoon while Valerie and I were out cruising the countryside, well, we got a good whiff of the countryside.
Valerie: Know why God made manure smell so bad, I asked her. So that roses will smell so good. That was 10 years ago.

To this day, it serves as a reminder that God IS REAL. It practically became my motto. But who is God. Is he Christ? Did a virgin really give birth to Jesus? A virgin? So I asked my wife. Why do you believe in Jesus.
Because I do, she said.
BUT WHY?
Ask a pastor, she said.

My problem, I wasn't setting another foot inside a church, so I certainly wasn't going to ask a pastor. And I told her that. Over and Over again. So I read the bible. I prayed. And I debated the merits of Christianity with my wife and brother and anyone who would argue with me. As Griff put it, I just had to rock the boat.

Love is patient, Love is kind, it does not envy, Paul wrote to the Corinthians.

Christmas is a big time of the year for my wife's family. Every year, before opening presents, they go to church together. One Christmas Eve, they were all getting together, and I said see ya. I am NOT going to church. Why, my father-in-law asked? Because the church is full of hypocrites, I said. So he stayed home with me that night. Funny thing, we didn't talk about it any more.

Love does not boast, It is not proud, it is not self-seeking, Paul wrote.

I continued to wallow and Valerie and I began fighting; Almost every day; Over EVERYTHING. Then one Sunday, Valerie took the kids to First English Lutheran Church and left a card asking for a Pastor to call. Pastor Barbara Ziah responded. She came to my home, sat on my couch, and listened to me tell her why I was agnostic about Christ, how I thought the universe worked. She sat there and listened. Then she said, "Oh that's interesting, I would like to talk with you more about it sometime." And she left.

Love is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs, it does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth, Paul wrote.

The truth is, I often let my pride get in the way of my heart. But I still believed in God. And after two days of fighting with my beautiful wife - I stormed out of the house and with no where to run, I sat down on our back stoop and begged for mercy. God, I CAN'T DO THIS ANY MORE! Please HELP me. PLEASE. And just like that, I walked into the house, turned to my wife, and said Honey, if you'll go to First English, I will go with you. I think you could hear both of our jaws hit the floor. We went to church. We joined the church. We couldn't join fast enough.

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. And Love NEVER fails.

It all starts with the call. WOW! Did I hear that call. It moves you to study. I thank God that I didn't stop studying. And prayer, Lord have mercy.

The Lord showed his mercy. People had been reaching out to me through prayer and action. They weren't hypocrites. They weren't stuffed shirts. They weren't telling me I was going to burn if I didn't do it this way. They were God with skin on.

I was wrong. I am so glad I was wrong.

Giving this talk has been extraordinarily difficult for me. Through it I have been asking myself how I am an action person in the kingdom of God. How I have made a difference to the people of the world, as Barbara Ziah did with me. How I have been God with skin on, as Rick Harper, my father-in-law, was with me. How unwavering faith, as my wife showed me during some of her most troubling times, could bring about such amazing grace.

Stop for a moment and think about what it means to be an action person. Action: Sounds like a vibrant word, doesn't it? You are always on the go, giving to the poor, feeding the hungry, healing the sick, preaching the word. Are you supposed to become Mother Theresa?

I have that yearning, to be active. "Faith without works is dead, right? But when do I have time? When am I supposed to have time. So I've often thought my answer is to become a minister or a missionary. Yeah, That would give me the time.

But being active in the church may not be all that you think it is, because God has a plan. Sometimes, it's doing nothing but sitting on the couch; sometimes, it's saying nothing, so you don't provoke someone to further withdraw from God. "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth." - first John 3:18.

For me, it's easy to pray. Even though I had stopped going to church I prayed. I tried to do it daily, too. It was also easy -- well, sometimes it was hard -- to study. Prayer and study kept me searching for the truth. Before I started going to church, I felt like I had my vertical relationship going quite nicely.

But God doesn't want you to just know who he is. Even the devil knows who God is. God wants us to reach out, too. "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." - 1 Colossians 3:12.

Martin Luther in his Introduction to Romans wrote: "Faith is not the human illusion and dream that some people think it is. When they hear and talk a lot about faith and they don't see moral improvement and good works resulting from that faith, they fall into error and start saying, "Faith is not enough. You MUST do good things if you want to go to heaven." Then when they hear the gospel they create the idea that "I believe."

I said that once. I believe in God. I have faith in God. But where was my faith? Where was my love? God is, after all, love. How can I love if I can't forgive my wife. How can I love if I can't forgive myself. Without love, how can I have God? If you believe in love, then you believe in loving everyone all the time. Love is the ultimate action. I understand now what Martin Luther was saying: I said I believe, but after Pastor Ziah sat so patiently on my sofa, glowing with God's love through patience and kindness, I suddenly realized what love looked like.

The action of reaching out to others is the horizontal aspect of the cross and it flows naturally from the vertical. You can't separate the two beams. They work together. Once we begin to understand God's love for us, we want to share that same love with others - to clothe ourselves in God's love. Our loving actions are the gospel at work. It might be the only gospel someone ever hears or sees. I think it was the only gospel I saw.

"I remind you to fan into the flame the gift of God," - 2 Timothy 1:6

We are given this opportunity every second of every minute of every day. At work with our colleagues, at home with our family, at church with our friends, in the grocery store with strangers, on the highway when someone cuts you off during rush hour. We also have those opportunities in the city, at the Mission. We have the poor, hungry and sick right here in Peoria. Where are they? They aren't necessarily the people you think they are. Some of them wear suits to church every Sunday; some of them may be here in this room.

At times, it may seem impossible to reach those people. It took me years. But you can do it in my simple ways: As the greeter, the usher, the communion assistant, the neighbor who actually brought my family chicken soup when we were sick. The driver who stops to give aid when you are stranded on the side of the road.

As Paul tells us in his letter to the Romans "We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve, if it is teaching, teach; if encouraging, encourage; if contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously. If leadership, let him govern diligently' if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully."

Notice what Romans said: Serve, teach, encourage, give, be cheerful. In other words, be active and love. Love leads to joy, peace, assurance, steadfastness, confidence, courage and hope in sorrow and suffering. When you allow the Spirit to let those overflow in your life, people can't help but notice. Suddenly, you find yourself doing things for other people all the time. It's like you can't say no to any request.

Fortunately, there are times to say no. I can't thank Pastor Ziah and Rick Harper enough for saying no. But what a glorious feeling it is to say YES! It's like Max Lucado wrote, "God love you just the way you are, but he refuses to leave you that way. He wants you to be just like Jesus." As Paul wrote, "We are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared IN ADVANCE for us to do."

Six years ago, I was just begging for an argument from Pastor Ziah. I was looking for something, perhaps to fan the flame I had. What turns someone off quicker than someone telling you that you are wrong? Than someone telling you that you must do it this way.

Instead, God, through people like Rick, showed me the fruits of his faith -- Patience, humility, kindness, compassion. That brought me back. As did, "I am so glad to see you Jerry." The encouragement, handshakes. God's incredible grace. You, too, can reach someone who's disenchanted with the church. Pray for them; be there for them; let God's love pour out of your hands, glow from your face. Shout and sing the next time you are in church. Lutherans showing exuberance in church? That's an idea!

From Philippians: "If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to you own interests but also to the interests of others."

When the church, that is the people, isn't there for you, and you aren't there for the church, it's easy to become disillusioned. Without the church, without YOU, I wouldn't be here. But I want to touch. I want to feel. I want to see God. I can sense he is so close when I can touch. The way we reach out is really quite simple. It is done by following the Word of God as revealed in Galatians. We are to be friendly, kind, patient, generous, forgiving, compassionate, hopeful, understanding, loving people. In all things it is not so much what we do, but how we do it or say it - with love.

Maybe your calling isn't to feed the hungry, maybe it's to tend the sick. Maybe your calling isn't to move to Indonesia, maybe it's to sing the praises of the Lord every day until you lose your voice. Maybe it's to ring a bell on a street corner when it's 20 below and greet with a smile the next passerby, who comes an hour later.

That's like being Jesus with skin on to me. Christ reached out to everyone that no one wanted to be around - the leper, the beggar, the prostitute. If Christ can do it, then so should I. "I do believe Lord; help me overcome my unbelief." Earlier, I told you how Steven Curtis Chapman reminded me about my life. Well, I didn't finish his song. I know now "if God's Spirit lives inside of me, I gonna live life differently. I'm gonna have the change. I'm gonna have the difference, I'm gonna have the grace, I'm gonna have forgiveness, I'm going to live a life worth showing that I'm undergoing the change.

xxxxx

Jerry Smith is editor of the online version of the Journal Star.